holidays.

I haven’t wrote in a really long time. Roughly around twenty days; I’m dying over here. Because of that when i was just laying in bed this morning, thinking, I decided to pick up my phone and just write. Update: Christmas break is almost half way over, my days approaching Christmas were horrible due to me being laid up in bed sick, Christmas has passed, and the New Year is coming at us full speed. My last few days have been good, Christmas was just spent with my sister and grandparents; we relaxed and talked a lot. Oddly my sister and myself have been bonding very much lately and I’m glad because I know it makes her happy. A lot of shopping has been going on, the one thing I hate in this world, but what else can I expect during the holiday times. Nothing special is going to take place on New Year’s Eve in my life, just gonna stay at home with my family, thank God no parties. I baby sat the other night and I babysit again on Friday which isn’t too bad; they are really good kids.

Even though it has been crazy busy and its the holiday season I still have been lonely. I don’t mean lonely as in emotionally but more as mentally and physically. Im aware that i am not the only person in this world that had problems and I’m aware that there has to be at least one other person who is going through exactly what I’m going through. Someone, somewhere,  the same age as me is going through the same thing. I know I’m not alone and i want you to know they you’re not alone either. I talked to my therapist today, we hadn’t talked for about a month and i think this talked really helped me. At least that’s what everyone around me has said, the old Desiree came out, I saw the old Desiree; whatever that means. I think it helped me and I think I feel better but, who is the old Desiree? Obviously I know that I have changed, I realize this and im okay with it. Life is all about change, we all change as we get older and experience new situations it is just apart of life.

I started this new thing yesterday that im going to write about later, I have more topics that I want to write about, im just not sure if I should wait till the new year. I know my first post of the new year is going to be really good, I want to write something that I actually like and feel strongly about. I apologize for this crappie post, it isnt very well thought out and im disappointed in myself; trust me I contemplated about not posting this at all, there is no purpose but oh well.

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minimalism.

The idea of minimalism intrigues me very much. I started awhile back to clean out my room of clutter and then I found a blog written by a minimalist; I liked what she wrote and decided to research more into it. Definition: Simple living encompasses a number of different voluntary practices to simplify one’s lifestyle. These may include reducing one’s possessions or increasing self-sufficiency, for example. Simple living may be characterized by individuals being satisfied with what they need rather than want (“From Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia”) . The idea of simple living, minimalism, turns me on a lot. I don’t think that anyone should be attached to materialistic things at all. Those aren’t the things important in life, they do not last forever. Even though it is wrong many humans are victims of just that, attached to materialistic objects. Objects not needed in life but wanted.

The idea of getting rid of everything in my life that I do not need/want or think is beautiful sounds wonderful. If I do this then I will have a ton of more time to focus on the important things in my life.  My family, school, and myself; the three most important things in my life right now at this moment. If I want to become a minimalist I think I should start by clearing out the space that I control right now, my room. I have done a good job but there is so much more that I have and that I don’t need or use at all; I can and will get rid of these things this weekend. The second thing that I can think of is getting rid of all social networks. I’m not going to get rid of my blog but things like apps like Twitter and Instagram?  I waste so much of my time on social websites, it is truly unhealthy and not productive at all.  I feel like deleting accounts would just take so much stress off of me, not having to keep up and not having to deal with others. Back to getting rid of objects; my phone and laptop are staying. I could do without the flat screen because I don’t watch that much television but realistically I need my laptop for school, I need my phone for pretty much everything else. I am saying need for this situation but if the world was ending and we were talking about things I need for survival then no, I wouldn’t need my laptop or phone.

For me needing my phone and laptop I am in no way, shape, or form going to be considering myself a minimalist. I am simply just trying to follow a little part of a minimalists lifestyle. I read somewhere that minimalist buy for the quality and not quantity, I think that the above makes sense. I would rather pay the extra buck for something that is made better then something that is not. Having nice things? I’ve read a lot that because of downsizing and not having a lot of possessions, the possessions minimalist do have are nice, I understand that, that is okay and it also makes sense to me. I too would rather have for example, an iPhone then four old school brick phones (forgive me for my horrible example).

Even if I don’t stick to anything that I have just spoken about it is worth a try. I should not, and don’t want to be attached to any materialistic objects. I want to stop wasting my time on idiotic things and start to focus on more important things in my life.  So much stress would be relieved if I could stay and accomplish the things mentioned above, it would truly be enjoyable. Even though I am usually not a person fond of change, I believe this change would be for the better and then after awhile it would not be change anymore but yet would become normal. I’m not scared to try something new in life, I look forward to this.

writing.

I lay here writing, in my own bed, and boy oh boy does it feel good. Yesterday my grandpa got released from the hospital and we got home around six; after arriving I showered, watched some television and knocked out shortly after that. I wanted to stay up late and do homework but that didn’t happen at all. Due to this, I will be doing homework all day today and probably tomorrow also. I do keep a written planner but I also put into my phone calender when all of my papers are due and what not so I can just see that as a reminder. I will get what I need to get done today, I can just feel it!

I have been thinking. Every time a person reads my blog I repeatedly get told of how good of a writer I am. I really take joy in these compliments just for the fact that in life you either have it or you don’t. You either are a good writer or you just are not, it is as simple as that.  Nobody can teach you how to write, it just comes out from a small place inside of you. Nobody has ever taught me how to write and no one can ever take writing away from me. Maybe the thought of independence with writing is why I love it so much, why it is so close to my heart. I feel like that is way to simple for a reason though, my reason has to be more complex because I could never even find the right words to describe how I feel about writing.Taking some of the most beautiful, most marvelous descriptive words in this world still would not be enough.

I find it funny that when I meet new people and they find out that I have a blog they automatically want to read. I mean I don’t have anything to hide, I am not ashamed of anything that I have wrote; I am an open book. So yes, I will send them the link and I always get feedback. Guys will keep on reading and reading and then they see how I feel about the guys I talk to, and that I write about them.  Lately it has been funny, joke cracking, them saying they don’t want to do anything stupid so they don’t end up getting wrote about on my blog. Sometimes when I enjoy talking to a certain guy so much I will write about them on my blog. Those guys usually like to read what I wrote, it helps me and it also helps them. I write what I really feel and think about them as if they are never going to see it. But they do, and maybe that is what is so wonderful about this sometimes. I’m sorry if feelings get hurt sometimes but it is the truth and it is how I really feel, in all honesty. At the end of the day this is my blog and I am going to write how I really feel without worrying about how others are going to feel if they read it. If you do not like what I write then don’t read what I write.

Time to eat breakfast and then start on my homework. I am going to be writing another post about lifestyle later today. I hope every has a safe fun filled weekend.

today is the day.

Well the weekend has come; I am still laying here writing where I have mentioned in the previous posts. I do not mind being at the hospital but a few things have come to bother me. One; I missed school Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I hate missing school so much, not that I like school and I know I am not going to fall behind but I just feel like I will(fall behind). Two; even though I have been going home to shower everyday, I haven’t had a real meal since Tuesday night. I am tired of eating crappy junk food out of the vending machines. Three; although this bed was comfortable the first night, my back and shoulder is killing me today. I can not wait to be back home in my comfortable bed. Not only have I been sleeping on this uncomfortable bed but I barely have been getting any sleep! Due to the fifty nurses that come in here every ten minutes and are unnecessary loud. I have also been living off of my phone, I did not go on my lap top at all yesterday and now today I see that was a big mistake.

My Grandfather just came back up from his minor surgery and is still feeling alright because of the knock-out medicine; that’s going to change after the medicine wears off real quick! Hopefully, I am praying, that the doctors will let him go home today. Now I know there are cons to being at this hospital for the past three days but there are two pros I believe. One; there are a lot of good looking doctors and nurses, don’t worry I look for wedding rings! Two: even though I don’t like missing school, I know I haven’t missed much and missing has given me the opportunity to catch up on what I need to be focused on. Emailing my teachers back and forth has helped a lot and with doing that I just get the important information. All the bullshit is cut out, thank you very much.

I am in a good mood today and I think I am going to get a lot done. There is a lot to do; one three-page biology paper, a three-page leadership paper, two and a half English paper, a blog post on, “How To” find inspiration in photography, start notes in photography and biology, and start writing my newspaper articles. Wow, actually typing all of that out now, I see I have a lot more to do then I thought. Like I said before I want to get as much done as possible today, but I know I will be working on all of the things mentioned above throughout the weekend. I know I am not going to be able to do anything this weekend if I want to get everything done on time, hopefully I keep this in mind when people start to call and text me later today.

I have continued to email this poet I have spoken about, I have to say I really do enjoy talking to him. His mind, the way he thinks, is oddly extraordinary. It is beautiful and I am so glad that I emailed him in the first place. I have spoken to a lot of new guys in the past couple of days and it is amusing i guess. I like talking to new people, everyone is so different from one another and I enjoy diversity. A lot of the men I talk to though are so needy, it is ridiculous. Easy manipulated, and so emotional. I can’t lie I do manipulate them but I don’t think that I am mean for doing this; I just get bored sometimes and it is a fun game. Very addicting though, maybe because I always win.

 

the young poet.

I have less motivation to do my homework then I realized. I think I am too comfortable to be wanting to do much of anything right now, it is very much a nice feeling to have. Laying here; typing, listening to The Neighbourhood, waiting for my food, texting Trevor, and playing Words with Friends. Geesh what an exciting day!

Two hours later; Oh dear friends what an exciting day today truly is! The young poet I spoke about early has responded to my email and says he would love to be able to help/work with me. I am so happy, beyond belief. We keep exchanging emails and it is absolutely fantastic. What a wonderful day it honestly is..

beautiful.

I have been gazing out of this wide window for quite some time now. Looking up at the gray clouds that are moving so slowly it would seem as if they are not moving at all. I enjoy this window bench very much; comfy and I feel it is a very good place to write. I wish it would start to rain already, weather forecast calls for it. I really just want to watch the thousands of raindrops hit the glass panes and drizzle down the trees. I find it calming; calming yet it reminds me of all the problems in this world. But that is okay, problems are apart of life and I have to learn how to deal with them. I talked with my Grandpa today and I really enjoyed our conversation. I always love deep conversations, I think that they are one of the greatest things in life. I stayed at the hospital with him last night, Alona and Gram went home and Alona went to school, I did not. The doctors say he is doing better but I am not sure how much longer we are going to be here; great thing I brought my laptop with me. So far I have gotten my Biology paper started and I discovered an amazing young poet. I sent him an email earlier and hopefully he gets back to me later today.

I have thought about a lot today and have so much on mind. My plan; continue to work on homework and write. I am going to write everything all out, whether that be online or actually handwriting I am not sure yet; maybe a mixture of both. One thing that I do know for sure that it is going to get done. That feeling of completeness is one feeling I can not wait to feel probably later tonight. I have a lot of my own subjects to write about and two school papers to still write. Right now my own papers are more important then school work. I have also started a Tumblr. I am still deciding on if I should transfer some of my post from here onto there. I am very excited for new things in life; excited for this change.

In need of a break i am going to lay back down, yes with my laptop still. The tree branches are started top shake hard now, the wind is picking up i assume. It looks so beautiful outside right now, it is very cold in here which i love. I have my sweater on, I just went and bought some green tea and now i can go back to watching all of these diverse people coming into the hospital. What a beautiful thing i tell you.

update.

I lay in bed tonight thinking. Laying here looking blindlessly into the white lights wrapped around my headboard. Today has been a long day and my eyes are beginning to hurt, I dont dare look away. My laptop sits on my belly warming it; word is opened up on my screen and really should be writing my biology write up but I find no motivation to do so. I just read some blogs, both old and new, and they were all moderately good. I find no interest to talk about any of them tonight though.

I guess many of you would say that I had a rough day if you all knew about everything that has happened. I won’t go into detail at all but I would like to share a couple of things. Today I learned some more examples to show that men really are the scum of the earth. Lesson learned; check. I just want you, you know who you are, to know that I’m not angry. I could really care less because you hurt ypurself more then you hurt me. You’re the human that’s going to have to live with that; no hard feelings at the end of the day. I hope you get the help you need and live a full happy life.

With that being said I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I know that i haven’t wrote anything in a long time and for that I apologize, i have been hand writing and annotating others poems which has been taking up a chunk of my time but no excuses. Thanksgiving and what we are grateful for sort of ties in with what I want to talk about first. Values; I will be posting this write tomorrow!

What am I thankful for?
1. My family, I wouldn’t be anywhere without them.
A. My Grandma; at the end of the day she will always be my hero, for reasons that she already knows.
B. My Grandpa; He’s the man! All jokes aside, I really get some deep life lessons learned from him.
C. Alona&Meadow, my two little sisters, the girls I would do anything for.
2. Friends.
A. Aftyn should/is actually apart of my family and like another sister to me. My bestfriend, my other half.
B. David/Frazer/Trevor; who else could I trust? Specials bonds with each and everyone of the names mentioned above.
3. School, even though I don’t want to go half of the time I actually am grateful for what school has to offer.
4. Books/Writing/Photography; my three passions that help express who I am and get me through the day.
5. Miscellaneous, all the shit that I absolutely don’t need. I.E. materialistic objects.
6. Everyone who I have ever met. What’s that one saying? You’re either a lesson or a blessing? Something like that..

What are you grateful/thankful for?